Last improvisation project completed! Officially done the M Ed.

I finished the project which has been hanging over my head all summer.  It is so good to have that off the "to do" list!  I even enjoyed doing the lessons and writing the paper.  Now I am left with the big "what next" feeling.... But school starts on Tuesday, so I am sure it will become clear soon.  Right now it is enough to sit and rest a bit.  

Choices

Improvisation is about choices.  Choices which are in the moment, which are small, or large.  This post by Pernille Ripp resonated with me today.

Improvisation: the new operating system

It struck me late last night that Improvisation has become my new operating system.  Just like learning a new technology, some of it is intuitive, playful and pulls me into a flow state.  Sometimes I can only react to a situation with confusion, frustration, anxiousness.  Sometimes I can initiate an idea which gets picked up by others, or which will extend on its own for a while.

I am not just talking about music anymore....improvisation is becoming more and more a way of seeing things, solving problems, finding hope, keeping on going.  It is a metaphor for moving forward,  for me to find meaning.

Huh......cool!
(picture from a project last year, made by Melissa.)

The penultimate day: Crunch Time!

I was sound asleep when the power went out last night. When it came on at 4:15, I was jolted awake and could not go back to sleep. I have been trying to formulate the framework for my final project in my sleep I think, since I woke up as tired as when I went to bed.

Improvisation group was at a low ebb energy-wise this morning, but the gift of an extra half hour before lunch gave me a chance to return to the Power Point presentation. I had the learning ecology presentation idea set in my head, but was in panic mode about how to get Power Point to function in the way I had in mind.  Fellow cohort members to the rescue!  Content  is loaded, and uploaded, and now all that is left is a couple summary reflections. 

I am beginning to feel some sense of satisfaction with each assignment completed. I will miss the people who have put up with me in this journey.  I am really looking forward to managing my time differently, with fewer urgent deadlines and more time to explore the roads not taken......

My classmates presentations and comparisons

I spent a great deal of time today trying not to compare myself to others. This morning, each student "sound-painted" a composition which the rest of us improvised.  Some sound painters were competent and it was easy to improvise in the manner indicated. Some were less comfortable with the gestures, and the product was confusing and awkward, both to the participant and the listeners.  A couple were brilliant, coming up with ideas in the moment and bringing the sounds they imagined into the piece.  The clock ran out before I had to get up and take my turn.  I was relieved,  because at that point I was just a few inches from blubbering. I thought it was because I really dislike sound painting, but at the root of the dislike is fear that I will do it badly.  Evidently, I don't like doing anything badly, whether it is a process or a product.  When put in that pressure cooker of performance, I would prefer to have my "act" polished and ready.  

The "place" videos this afternoon were so cool to watch; but while I know what my learning was in producing my video, I think my product fell flat in comparison with others. I was proud of it on Saturday when I got it "finished" (at least put in as much time as I could give to that one assignment), but today I felt it didn't hold a candle to the rest.  I know we all start at different places, I know we are all originals, I know I am learning.  But my ego really needs to get the heck out of my way.  

This sort of learning is extremely hard work, and I am trying to be gentle with myself.  I am not beating myself up because I am not as good as _________, but because that insistent little internal voice will never let up, and I still have not learned to manage it.  

I'm sure this is related to how my learning ecology should be designed, but I think educators have been chewing on this one for centuries.  

Improvisation and media

It seems I am not capable of keeping my learning for these two courses in separate categories. Each experience in one class informs my perception of content and process in the other, and I am left with just a small window of time to reflect on where it might lead me after the summer session is over.

I spend the mornings in improvisation class participating in  many small games, exercises, challenges, and practice to build confidence and gradually learn to trust myself to risk bigger mistakes in front of colleagues without breaking down or being angry and defensive or blaming others for my clumsiness.  The course has a solid structure which I found hard to accept, probably because I thought I was ready to jump in a little farther along than where we began.  Probably wishful thinking and a certain impatience on my part to stick with process and not product. As well, I am more interested right now in the philosophical and global relevance of improvisation than doing it myself.

In the afternoon class, I am challenged to "improvise" with all the programs and apps to create a new paradigm for my classes.  Here, flexibility and relevance to each teacher's situation is of prime importance, and I am struggling with new technology and new ideas at the same time. I am tired, depleted and facing reinventing my teaching, at a point when I am just "retired" and going back on a term.  I just want to get something done, to complete the assignment, however I realize that this is worth the sweat, so I am trying to be my own cheerleader and plan my last few evenings to crunch through my framework.  While the ideas excite me and I am totally on board with trying these concepts with my students, I do have to wrestle with  how am I going to

• complete the assignment using the technologies explored this week
• implement the changes at school in the class time I have available. 

I hope the universe provides some intuitive solutions: I have the creative seeds....just not sure how to get them sprouted by Friday!

I passed my motorcycle test!

Ok, this has nothing (and everything) to do with creative design.  My motorcycle instructors were organized, focussed and demanding. During the course I was engaged mentally and physically virtually the whole time.  Learning a skill which has an element of "edge" to it, where you have to push yourself harder than you think possible,  and keep trying and push past less than perfect attempts at exercises......this where schools need to learn how how to engage and motivate students.

I did not have a perfect score on the test.  There was an exercise in which I got stuck in neutral and didn't complete in the time zone for full points.  I lost points here and there for other little things, but I had enough to pass, and that felt huge!  The course challenged me more than I expected, and made me respect how much I still have to learn, and how much a new world has been cracked open for me.  I think it might not be a bad idea for all teachers to take some sort of beginner course each year, to remind them of the feeling of  beginner buzz: that sense of accomplishment from doing something slightly out of the comfort zone.

In designing my course for next year, I think I will try to incorporate some opportunities for being a beginner by letting students trade instruments now and then, to see what is transferrable, and what is not.  It is something they love to fool around with when they are just hanging out in the music room.